Desperation
by Depth of Soul
Summary: Songfic for "Gollum's Song." Ginny has thoughts of suicide after deciding she can't take any more of her life. Will Draco be able to change her mind?


Disclaimer: I don't own "Gollum's Song," but I do own Harry Potter. I just bought the entire franchise yesterday on E-Bay for $5. I also bought the moon and someone's liver. Awesome, huh? ... Darn, you think I've been duped? *sigh* Oh well. I guess I don't own Harry Potter after all. But if anyone wants to buy a liver, I can sell one to you at a great bargain! ^_~  
  
Author's Note: Nothing like inspiration for a li'l ficlet at 4:30 in the morning after you've typed up a lab write-up (and still have more homework to do, but you're a huge procrastinator...)! Oh, and by the way, this is the first songfic I've ever made, so I'm sorry if the lyrics seem too broken up or something like that. If that bothers you, then you can just skip over the song lyrics and read the story by itself... Either way, I hope you enjoy it!  
  
--  
  
Desperation  
  
A tall redhead stood on the edge of the lake at Hogwarts, staring down into the depths of the waters that were reflecting the star-filled night sky. The young lady, who seemed to be in her late teens, had untamed shoulder- length hair that glittered in the moonlight with a natural shimmer. A very old-fashioned broom lay on the ground next to her, thrown down haphazardly after she'd arrived at her destination.  
  
Around her body was a patched-up cotton nightgown that hugged her tightly, obviously a few sizes too small. The old nightgown emphasized the features of her body. She had a small, almost invisible, chest. She had large curves and nice legs that seemed almost transparent against the darkness around her. Her entire body was as pale as her legs, but it was a milk- white paleness that made people wonder if it felt as soft as it looked.  
  
Her face lit up with moonlight as she turned from the lake to the castle that was Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Tears glistened on her delicate cheeks as her eyes took in the sight of the building she had lived in for a great part of her childhood. It had only been two years since Ginny Weasley had graduated from Hogwarts, though she could bet not one person would remember her, even if they saw her Weasley flaming red hair. Even though she wasn't by any means a noticeable student at Hogwarts, Ginny had good memories of the school.  
  
"Where once was light..."  
  
As her eyes stayed fixed on the castle, Ginny's mind began to wander back to her years at Hogwarts. Images played before her—happy memories. Scenes unfolded before her as if she were watching a movie in fast forward...  
  
--  
  
It was Ginny's second year at Hogwarts, and she was sitting at breakfast with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Harry and Ginny were laughing uproariously at something, and Ron and Hermione's faces were the color of fresh, ripe tomatoes. Fred and George Weasley walked over to the table, laughing also, and they slapped Ron on the back and winked at Hermione. Ginny's eyes began to water with tears from laughing so hard, and her face was beginning to turn the color of Ron's and Hermione's. There was nothing but mirth at the table, even on the red couple's part...  
  
--  
  
It was Ginny's fourth year at Hogwarts, and she was sneaking down a dark hallway in the middle of the night with Fred and George. The trio's arms were brimming with dungbombs, which they were taking down to the dungeons with them. When they reached their destination, the Slytherin common room, they stopped and smiled sneakily to each other. After depositing the dungbombs outside the Slytherin portrait, the three quietly hurried back down the hallway, imagining the Slytherins' reactions to the tens of dungbombs waiting for them outside their common room...  
  
--  
  
It was the very end of Ginny Weasley's seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Hundreds of people were assembled in the Great Hall, watching the graduation of the seventh years. Dumbledore walked up to the podium, wearing robes of midnight blue with stars and moons streaked across them. He began to make a speech, and at the end he congratulated Ginny on passing the Auror test and announced to everyone in the room that Ginny would be an official Auror after graduation. Afterwards, he was pleased to surprise everyone in the room with the information that Ginny had been chosen to become the partner of one of the most famous young Aurors of their time: Draco Malfoy. Ginny's face registered shock and pleasure at his last statement as she imagined being partners with her crush of the past two years. How could life go wrong when THAT was to be her future?...  
  
--  
  
Ginny laughed to herself at the memories. Had there ever really been a time when she had been content and happy with her life? Ever since graduation, Ginny's life had been a living heck.  
  
"Now darkness falls..."  
  
All of Ginny's brothers were too caught up in their lives to care that Ginny was even alive. Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, and George all lived away from England, where Ginny worked as an Auror just like Harry, Ron, and Hermione, whom only cared about each other. They had completely dumped Ginny as a friend after their graduation, telling her that she needed to move on and find her own friends, which she never did. Even Ginny's parents seemed to forget that they had a daughter, despite the fact that Ginny was such a talented (although by no means well-known) Auror. In fact, the only person who even acted civil towards Ginny was Draco Malfoy, ironically enough.  
  
"Where once was love..."  
  
Draco Malfoy had become the only person that Ginny could count on after her graduation from Hogwarts. He was not exactly NICE to her, but Ginny could definitely recognize an extreme difference in the way Draco would talk to her and the way he would talk to Harry, Ron, or even Hermione. There were always insults, but they always seemed to be affectionate, almost. Sometimes Ginny would have long discussions with Draco on all sorts of things other than their work. Arguments weren't rare, but they weren't full of malice and hatred. Still, though, Ginny's dream of happiness with Draco had not come true, and her heart slowly hardened to the world around her and the silver-haired young man.  
  
"Love is no more..."  
  
Ginny continued to stare at Hogwarts castle in silence, replaying moments of her life before her eyes. She was in so deep a trance that she didn't notice when a young man on a broomstick broke through the clouds in the sky and began his descent near the lake of Hogwarts.  
  
The man was like a shadow in the night as he silently landed a few yards away from Ginny Weasley, dismounted his Jetspark 900, and tossed it to the ground. The man began to walk forward to his Auror partner, but then stopped himself to stare at her first. He wanted to memorize everything about her. He breathed in her scent, which tonight smelled of vanilla and coconut. He watched as the wind played in her hair, which he longed to feel for himself. He noticed the gleam of tears on her face and wanted to wipe them and all of her worries away with the soft touch of his lips. He could never tell her how he felt, especially since his feelings were so foreign to himself and they confused him to no end. All he knew for sure was that he couldn't imagine life without this delicate flower any longer.  
  
The young man willed himself to keep control and walk slowly toward the object of his pursuit. He stopped behind her, noticing that she still hadn't noticed him. "I knew I'd find you here," was all he said.  
  
Ginny Weasley turned slowly around, narrowing her eyes at him in confusion. "Draco...?" He just stared at her with those penetrating silver eyes of his. She stared at him in return, looking into his eyes, trying to figure out what he was thinking. All she could see was seriousness and concern. Why was he here? He couldn't be here. It would only complicate things. The weakness and vulnerability Ginny had been feeling as she flew there seemed to increase at the sight of the only person who she could assume cared about her. She looked at his stone, pale face, with its sharp nose and strong jaw. If it had been anyone else getting this look from Draco Malfoy, they would've cowered in fear or run away. "What are you doing here, Malfoy?" Ginny noticed the almost indiscernible shimmer of hurt in his eyes at the sound of her calling him Malfoy and not Draco.  
  
"I'm not the one who should be asking that, Weasel." His voice was low and raspy, and the usual affection Ginny could find in the insult wasn't there. Instead, he sounded like a person who was being extremely harsh because someone he cared for had hurt him.  
  
"Does he really care about me that much?..." she wondered. "It's none of your concern what I'm doing here, Malfoy," she whispered, turning her eyes down to the ground. She didn't know if she could stand to look into his eyes anymore. If she had looked up, she would have seen flaming fury.  
  
"Don't say goodbye..."  
  
"I know what you're doing here, Weasley! You can't pretend that I don't know! You think killing yourself will fix things?! Are you that much of a coward? Do you think I wouldn't understand what you're going through? Do you think I can't SEE it?! You can't do this, Virginia! You've got to hold on!"  
  
"Don't say I didn't try..."  
  
"Virginia..." Ginny mouthed silently, feeling the name on her lips. Draco had never used her full first name before. It had always been Weasley, Weasel, Red, or some other nickname he would use for her. The only things he'd never called her were Ginny, saying that it was too common a name for such a complicated woman, and Virginia, though she didn't know why. The only other person Ginny had ever heard call her Virginia was her parents when they were mad at her, but she very much liked the sound of Draco using it.  
  
Then, suddenly realizing the urgence in his voice and the concern he put into saying the name, she broke down in front of him. Tears flowed endlessly down her cheeks and she turned to look back up at the young man before her. Why did he have to come?... "Don't you think I HAVE tried, Draco?! I know I may not be as tough as some people, but I've been tough the past two years of my life, trying to hold on! Did you know that thoughts of suicide used to pass through my mind even back at Hogwarts? Even with the laughter and the good times I would share with my brothers, Harry, and Hermione, I would still cry at night and think about just ending it all..." Back then, it had been because of what had happened in Ginny's first year, of which the scars had never really healed. Now, the people that helped her through that were no longer there for her.  
  
"Virginia, why won't you let me help you through this?" The look on Draco's face was one of desperation and confusion.  
  
Why wouldn't she? Ginny closed her eyes, squeezing more streams of tears out, and thought about telling him that she felt like no one cared about her anymore. But would he understand? Draco had lived a hard life himself; Ginny had heard all about it during the times she and Draco would talk together. He never really had anyone who'd loved him as a child, and he'd told her that he didn't care, but she could see the pain within his eyes. Whenever her own family would come up in their conversations, Ginny would just graze the subject lightly, making it seem like nothing was wrong.  
  
She used to tell herself she was fortunate, despite what had happened in her first year. She'd had a few loving friends and a loving family, but ever since graduation, it just seemed like nobody cared about her anymore. She never received letters from any of her family members, and during the few times she would go to visit them, they would either fuss over someone else and ignore her or they'd be busy with cleaning, work, etc. Her father had even forgotten her name one morning, calling her "Jessie" by mistake. She had decided to stay apathetic about all emotions, though, so she'd shrugged it off like it was nothing.  
  
"I..." she tried, but the words couldn't come out. "I have nothing..." she began. "Nobody cares about me anymore. My family forgets that I'm alive and I have no friends. I have NOBODY! I have no reason to live anymore!" Her voice had raised from a quiet whisper to an hysterical scream.  
  
"These tears we cry are falling rain! For all the lies you told us, The hurt, the blame. And we will weep to be so alone. We are lost. We can never go home."  
  
"You have me."  
  
"Draco...please...don't..." Ginny scolded herself at letting her emotions through after teaching herself to quash them around others for the past two years. Here she was, letting this person get to her, screaming and crying in front of him. She wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to cover up her vulnerability and hide behind a façade once more.  
  
Draco grabbed her shoulders in frustration, ignoring the tingles it sent through his hands. "Virginia, you can't do this! You've got to be strong!"  
  
"So in the end I will be what I will be. No loyal friend was ever there for me."  
  
"I can't take it anymore, Draco, don't you see?! I'm just tired of it! Can you give me one good reason to continue with all of this when it's killing me?" Ginny cried, emphasizing the last two words.  
  
Draco frowned at her, torn between love for this beautiful creature, hurt that she didn't care enough about him to try to hold on, anger that she was so set on doing this to herself, and pity for Ginny because of the pain she was so obviously enduring. Could he live without this perfect woman? Could he continue living without Ginny's tinkling laugh, her rosy cheeks, the look in her eyes when she was hurt or mad but trying to hold it all inside? Draco could see into her thoughts in a way that Ginny had no clue of. He'd seen through her numerous masks and he had a feeling it was the same for her with him. Was this love? He had never truly experienced love in his entire life, and if this wasn't it, it surely was the closest he'd ever been. He had to tell her. All of his feelings for her... This was his last chance to let her know...  
  
"Virginia, you can't do this because...because..." Draco couldn't find the words to say, and Ginny reluctantly shrugged his hands off her shoulders. Draco drew in a shaky breath and tried again. Gosh, what was it about this girl that made him act so strangely? "You can't go through with this because I need you here with me. I can't imagine life without you here by my side. I savor our time together, whether it's in silence, discussion, argument, whatever! The sound of your voice never fails to make me smile inside, and all of these emotions have confused me so much; they're like nothing I've ever felt before!" Draco watched the continuous flow of tears on Ginny's cheeks. "I know I haven't exactly acted like it, but..." Draco sighed. "I think I love you, Virginia," he finished hopefully.  
  
Ginny stared at him, shocked at his words, searching his eyes to see if it was all true. His eyes were full of adoration and love, but also fear. Fear that Ginny would go through with her plans and hurt them both. As she stared at him, she knew she loved him too. It wasn't a searing hot lightning bolt of revelation that filled her with elation and content. No, it was just a realization that the feelings she felt for Draco were love, and the realization filled her with neither elation nor content. For some reason, hearing Draco say "I love you" and recognizing her own love for him just left her feeling empty inside.  
  
"Draco..." Ginny whispered, touching her hand to his cheek. Draco leaned into her touch, relishing the feel of her skin on his. "I love you too..." she said in a barely audible whisper. At her words, Draco moved forward slightly and met her lips with his own. Ginny responded to him, but broke the sweet kiss after a few seconds. "But I have to do this, Draco..." she whispered, looking into his eyes and turning away toward a jut of land in the lake before he could reply.  
  
"Now we say goodbye. We say you didn't try... These tears you cry have come too late! Take back the lies, The hurt, the blame."  
  
"VIRGINIA!!!" Draco yelled as he began to run after her, but he knew it was too late when he saw Ginny take out her wand and say, "Molior." As she said the words, Draco knew an invisible barrier had appeared between the two, and any attempt at using a counterspell would be fruitless as Ginny was already at the edge of the precipice.  
  
"Goodbye..." Ginny whispered as she leaned forward and let herself fall into the cold depths of the lake water.  
  
Draco collapsed onto the ground and wept.  
  
"And you will weep when you face the end alone. You are lost, You can never go home..."  
  
--  
  
The Daily Prophet Thursday, July 12, 2001  
  
Rita Skeeter  
  
Two bodies were discovered yesterday at the bottom of the lake on the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The bodies have been identified as Draco Malfoy and Virginia Weasley. The wizarding world is truly mourning the loss of Mr. Draco Malfoy. Before his death, he had been one of today's most well-known Aurors and a handsome eligible bachelor. When asked to comment, his father Lucius Malfoy said, "I am as shocked by the news as I expect everyone else is, and I am in terrible grief over it." Draco's mother, Narcissa, would not talk to the Daily Prophet when questioned. There will be no public funeral, Lucius says, most likely so he and his wife can lament in private. Virginia Weasley had been Draco Malfoy's Auror partner.  
  
--  
  
Author's Note: "Molior" is Latin for "To build, erect, construct, contrive, toil, struggle." Also, I had the year as 2001 because, according to Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, it was 1992 when Ginny started her first year at Hogwarts. Therefore, she graduated in 1999 and two years later would be 2001. July 12, 2001 was in fact a Thursday, too. See? I did my research! ^^  
  
Okay, now, I hope you enjoyed my little story and since you already spent some of your time reading this, why not spend just another minute or two reviewing it? =) 


End file.
